Quoteable Life

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

So, I am a collector of quotes.  I love to document what I hear, whether it's from random people, my friends, coworkers... anyone, really.  The weirder or sillier the better.  Here's a smattering from recent patient rounds:

Resident: So here's the trend of his blood pressures, systolic and diastolic. ::shows screen::
Attending: Yeahhh, that's not a trend. That's chaos.

Resident: I couldn't sign out the oxycodone, but the patient left...
Attending: Eh, just keep it for yourself.
Resident: .... well, you'd have to sign it...
Attending: More inappropriate behavior from the attending and it's only Wednesday. Monday was unfair question day... Wednesday is inappropriate behavior day... who knows what will happen the rest of the week!?

"Scroll through this CT until you see something interesting... how's that for an unfair question? " - Attending

"So what should we do for him tomorrow? This is called 'Read My Mind' by the way..." - Attending

"We need to get one other radiologic study to make our radiologists earn that Lexus..." - Attending

"That's why you don't do shots when it's cold out... you get peripheral vasodilation, which means your extremities feel warm... but it's cold... I don't drink, I don't know..." - Attending

"She's 10, so you can do finger-to-nose, but if she was younger, you could take out your "Dress Up Justin Beiber" app on your phone and see if she could grab your phone. Did you know there was such an app? There is. You can't undress him... only dress him. It's free!" - Attending

Attending: So if I'm on South Street getting another tattoo and I'm not answering my pager, which antibiotics are you going to order?
Resident: All of them?
Attending into phone: Yes, I need ALL the antibiotics!!! Give me the cart! No.

(this is funnier if you know that the attending is like, the most conservative-looking guy around and would NEVER in a million years get a tattoo)

Resident: They think she might keep getting re-exposed to Salmonella either via her pet dog or mangoes...
Attending: Her pet mangoes?
Resident: ... huh?



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