Quoteable Clinical Research

Friday, January 25, 2013

Installment #2 of "Quoteable Life" - The Clinical Research Edition!

Speaker: This is an infographic. I don't know what an infographic is, but this is one.
Me (whispering): It's a graphic with information on it?
Doctor (also whispering): How do you know that it's not information with a graphic on it.
Me: Excellent point.
Doctor: Quite ambiguous.
Me: Yes, we need to operationally define "infographic".

"We should use Valium more often..." 

Pathologist: What animal might these cells resemble?
Attending: A honey badger!
Pathologist: NOT a honey badger. An OWL.  That's why they're called Owl Cells...?

"The pathologist said that he has the pathology slides and the report from the liver of our international patient... problem is that it's actually pancreas... so I told him to do his best."

Surgeon: We don't need P values!
Me: False.

"Maybe you COULD put a stent in a mouse..." - Surgeon

"Yeah, I'll talk to you later. I have to go do some science," - One attending to another

Attending 1: So, is this lymphoma weird enough to fall under the "weird lymphoma that needs other stuff" catergory? ::gestures wildly::
Attending 2: ... what?!

"The exclusion criteria are... you can't be dead." - Attending

"Her mom only believes in Eastern medicine, and the daughter has a heart condition, and so she used to pass out when she raced.. and her mom said she didn't have enough love in her heart... and I was just like, NO! Her sodium-potassium pumps don't work!"  - Research Tech

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