The Firstest of First World Problems

Friday, September 19, 2014

You guys, a horrible thing happened this week. I don't know how we survived. It's why I haven't posted since Monday. It's made class extremely difficult. In fact, it's made life difficult.

The internet stopped working at school. Gmail, Google Talk, and Blogger wouldn't load. GOOGLE wouldn't even load. I had to go to Bing to find out if Google was broken! It was horrible.

I may be overreacting. A tad. But seriously, it was bad. I'm not sure entirely what was going on, but we got approximately 937 emails about how the school's ISP wasn't talking to the rest of the world or something. I don't understand how the internet works, all I knew is that it was broken and I couldn't blog or read blogs or get my Gmail and it was bad. Now, the internet is running like molasses in January, which is making me more and more frustrated, especially because my phone isn't connecting to the internet for reasons unknown. Technology is just hating on me this week. The machines are rising against us. Skynet is online. Et cetera, et cetera.

But really, I guess it's not that bad. I actually had to pay attention in biochem (the horror!) and I actually talked to some of my classmates during lecture breaks instead of just sticking my head into my laptop and ignoring the masses. Also, I'm apparently really addicted to having the internet, and I don't care what anyone says, Google >>>> Bing. The end.

Anyway, as we struggle along with our gimpy internet over here, it's still Friday so let's celebrate! I don't know about you, but this week was about as slow as the internet for me, so I am extremely glad that I not only made it to Friday, but did so without punching anyone in the face. Trust me, it was difficult at times. But, since it is Friday, it's time for One Down, One Up and Oh Hey, Friday!


One Down

Besides the internet being crappy this week, I had a rough therapy session yesterday. It was good because a lot of things came up that I needed to talk about and I finally admitted (mostly to myself, because Danna clearly already knew) that my anxiety has cycled to depression. I have this issue where if I'm not actively contemplating self-harm, I don't classify myself as depressed. Just because you're experiencing a slightly less severe depression than the worst one you've ever had (See: Winter 2008-2009) doesn't mean you're not depressed and that things don't need addressing, though. Also, having anxiety is a weirdly functional state. It's not a great state to be in, but when I'm anxious, I get stuff done because I'm so worried about failing or falling apart that it drives productivity. Of course, I'm a neurotic disaster while I'm doing whatever I'm doing, but hey, I'm doing things, so I mark it as a win. When I'm depressed, everything feels empty and stupid, and even though I've been forcing myself to go to class and clean and do laundry and see people, it all feels dumb and I don't enjoy it. I have been having a really rough time over the last couple of weeks, and I was just blaming it on "getting used to med school" and "life changes" and "hormones", all of which are definitely playing a part... but underneath it all is the depression that colors... everything. There's a post brewing in my brain about depression and mental health (as there usually is) and I had wanted to post it this week, but the internet conspired against me, so... perhaps next week. But yes, this was definitely a downer.

One Up

On Monday after class, I got my hair blown out, bought gorgeous yarn on sale from Loop, walked around in the sunshine, and had a blast taking photos with Chrystina! She is building her photography portfolio (among doing a lot of other REALLY cool things, like starting an Etsy shop) and I have wanted some photos to use on the blog, so it worked out. I also had planned on buying her dinner, but settled for a glass of wine because she had other plans that evening. ANYWAY, I had the best time hanging out and absolutely love the results. I'll be doing a reveal of my favorite shots (and maybe some outtakes, haha) next week, so keep an eye out for them! Also, if you want to be the first to know when Chrystina opens her Etsy shop, head over to her blog and sign up for her newsletter! Trust me, you totally want to do that. 

But yes, Monday was oddly my favorite day this week. WEIRD. If you want to link up your own best and worst moments, do so at Chrystina Noel, and check out everyone else's weeks too! 

Since I'm fighting against the pull to stay in bed all day, I'm trying to focus on positive things and reasons to get out of bed. So, here are 5 things that I'm thankful for and that make me happy to be alive, even if they are simple or small.

1 | Heated Seats

This morning wasn't cold by any sense of the world, but it was 55 degrees and there was a definite chill in the air. My hips have really been bothering me (thanks, lupus/RA/whatever the hell autoimmune disease this is), and moving around this morning was definitely a challenge. However, as I got into my car and switched on my heated seats, I felt like my entire body sighed with relief. For my 25 minute ride to school, I was blissfully enveloped by warm leather and my butt/back/hips, while not entirely better, were way more mobile by the time I got out of the car. I'm sure as we get further into fall and eventually winter, I'll be even more excited and thankful for heated seats.
2 | Tarte 12 Hour Amazonian Clay Foundation

This is really not the week for me to be taking pictures of my face because my skin has decided to rebel entirely, but when it calms down (and it better, or I'm making an emergent dermatologist appointment because this shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S) I will certainly post a photo to show you the amazing-ness of this make up. I am not usually one to spend any kind of serious money on make-up, and 95% of the stuff I own is from Target. This is totally worth the $38 price tag, though. It's light, but still provides amazing coverage and it really does last 12 hours. It's life-altering, I tell you. However, if anyone has a good recommendation for a concealer... leave it in the comments because this girl needs a new one, for real.

3 | Starbucks

I know, this is really dumb and I should be frequenting non-chain coffee shops and supporting local businesses and whatever, but I like their coffee and their froofy coffee drinks, and I get most of my studying done at Starbucks. It is a great environment for me to get work done for some reason. There is just enough background noise and activity that my brain stays engaged and I don't end up on Pinterest for 45 minutes when I should be studying for micro, and the smell of coffee just makes me happy. Also, I usually make my own coffee at home, so when I go out and get a Starbucks "treat" it makes studying less painful. I also associate Starbucks with hanging out with good friends and relaxing. There's something comforting about being able to find a Starbucks pretty much anywhere you go, too, and I you know how sameness and routines sooth my addled brain.

4 | My tutor

Not only does Frances help me understand crazy things like enzyme kinetics and oxygen dissociation curves, she makes me feel like a normal human being. She gives up her time, which is at a serious premium because she is a second year med student, to help me learn, and she is really encouraging. She makes me feel like I can totally do this, and she has a lot of useful information about what to focus on and what to ignore if I run out of time. She is one of the best people I've met thus far in med school, and I feel really fortunate that I not only have a good tutor, but have made a good friend.

5 | Yarn

I don't know what it is, but yarn shops make me happy. The organization, the pretty colors, the feel of squishy, soft yarn, it's a great sensory experience. Also, the people in my favorite yarn shops (Loop and Hooked) have the nicest owners and staff who are always willing to help, and they are also total yarn junkies who completely understand when I come in and get really excited about new products or patterns. I wish that I had more time to knit and that I could join in on the knit-a-long at Hooked on Friday mornings, but alas, class happens then and I need to be studying. The other thing? Some of my favorite people are knitters, and knitting has brought me closer to a lot of people, which is never a bad thing. :)

What are some things that make you glad to be alive? What are the little things in your life that make you smile? 

As for me, I'm going to go study for an hour before our immuno review... and then my afternoon will consist of taking Gershwin to the vet for blood work (oh joy) and studying. Have a great weekend, all. 

- A


  1. Real life. The next time I come to NYC, you and I are going to Purl Soho. It's happening.

  2. It is SO happening. Although we might need adult supervision to make sure we don't completely buy ALL THE YARN.

  3. The prices help keep it in check :)

  4. AW YAY. I made your One Up. I'm excited to see what you do with the picture reveal actually, I think you're going to have a fun spin on talking about it. As for the one down. Blech. Let me know if I can brighten your days at all. Also. Yes, anxiety really does have a way of pushing you to do things. The same thing happens to me - as long as I can stop that pounding in my chest for long enough to get things done. Thanks for linking up and looking forward to seeing you next week!

  5. You were totally my One Up, and I bet you'll be my One Up this week, too! I am so stoked for Wednesday.

    And thanks for letting me know that you're there if I need you. It really means a lot. :)

  6. The internet has returned, and there was much rejoicing! ::confetti:: And the thing about depression is just that... it will eventually get better. It's just the slogging through that sucks. Thanks for your kind thoughts, though. Having a support system is key, and I appreciate you!


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